My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
