there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
