I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
