How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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