i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
