at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
