When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
