Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
