i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
