Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
