On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
