WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
