There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
