Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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