We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
