Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
