in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
