Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
