the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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