I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
