hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
