i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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