Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
