Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
