Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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