omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
