Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
