I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
