Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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