my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
