sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
