farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
