I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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