i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
