Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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