Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
