I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
