if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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