i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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