STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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