we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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