You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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