Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
