Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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