I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
