ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
