my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
