Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
