I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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