Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
