Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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