she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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