I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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