also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
