Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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