Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
