Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
