One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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