I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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