the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
