Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
