When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20