Who did Billy Mays play for?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017