you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
