She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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