Is it because I queefed?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
