allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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