Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
