If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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