Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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