my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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