All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
