I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
