I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
