I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
