I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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