Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
