I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
