I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were trust falling into bushes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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