i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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