i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
