please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
