im about as happy as oj after his trial
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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