just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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