Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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