your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
