I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
